6. Dear Momicron

We miss you!  Thanks for all the newsy bits that some of you have thrown our way. Indeed, please throw more newsy bits our way!  Facing a problematic dilemma? Tell us. Just made a fortune on the stock exchange? Tell us how you did it!  Won an argument with your spouse? Tell us how right you were!

 

So after this plea, the Valenstein news for the week.

 

As you may have noticed, Paul always starts his missives with a philosophical reflection, and a quote from a real philosopher.  So I thought I would start with Ann Landers.  

 

Fellow boomers, as you may remember when anyone wrote Ann Landers a particularly clueless query—such as, “My boyfriend is wonderful and we have the best times together!  However, he will never tell me his home address and I found a to-do list in his pocket that included “get the wife a bouquet”. What do you think?”

 

Ann Landers would reply:   WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE”!

 

OMNICRON

Okay, I am covid diligent and when the omicron wave came, I got up to speed once more, even though the rest of my family was: “I’m done with the pandemic!”  “It’s so mild, just like a cold.”  “I’m careful, I just went to a party with 30 people indoors without masks”.

 

No. family.  WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!

 

Yes, I brought real masks…y’know, the kind that actually filter out viral particles. I brought rapid antigen tests. I said “no”, a lot. And for that my daughters named me “Momicron”. 

 

Friends, I embraced the title, I BECAME Momicron.   Soon, everyone was asking for my advice.

 

“My friend’s nanny just tested positive for covid, should we get together this weekend?”  No.  (Recommended two negative antigen tests in next several days, & then get together.)

 

“My son’s daycare just closed because a child tested positive, can we go back?”  No, unless your son and other students attending tested negative.   (Explained “test to stay” programs.)

 

“What is our risk of going to a 120 person wedding indoors.”   Ran risk model, 4.5% risk of being infected, given mitigating factors. Negligible risk of serious outcome for young people.  Serial antigen tests to see grandparents this week.  (They had a great time!)

 

Of course, Momicron is happy to see the covid numbers plummet this month and looks forward to returning to just being “Mom”.  As Mom, she plans on dispensing   advice on other topics where she knows best and where the family has strayed from the right course.

 

TENNIS

California is a tennis playing paradise with 300 days of the year being suitable for playing outdoors. Everyone is playing and for once—California is no more expensive than Michigan! Just imagine my surprise when I took a lesson and did not pay, the “you’re lucky you’re in California” surcharge. It made me want to take lessons daily! Which I probably should do, because I still miss balls that are right on my racquet.

 

Anyway, in addition to being a tennis paradise, California is also a dope smoking paradise. Yes, people in Ann Arbor smoke and eat dope.  However, in California the smell is always in the air.  For my first game of doubles in tennis, I was paired with a woman (my age) who was vaping marijuana during the entire game.  Between every game and sometimes between each point. She was a good player when we started, but her performance became just a little bit more erratic as the game progressed.   I’m not complaining. We won and the second-hand smoke wasn’t  bad.

 

GRANDCHILDREN

 

Ah yes, we have far more contact with our grandchildren—one of the main reasons we are out here regularly paying the “you’re lucky you’re in California” surcharge.   Turns out grandchildren of a certain age (ours are all 4 years old or younger) have a very tenuous grip on reality.  

 

You will be talking about some mundane topic, like what they had as a snack at school, and their eyes will look quite earnest as they say: “Noodles, because it was Lunar new year.  And the noodles were so long Samantha tripped on them and fell and the parade stopped and she cried and now there won’t be any noodles for anyone. But tomorrow we will have a parade for a dragon but no one wants to get hurt so we all will wear armor and fight the dragon with our dance.”  Umm,  magical  realism? A hallucination? Dope?  Regardless, we continue to the conversation with all due seriousness, and have a glass of wine when we go home.

 

Love to all back in Ann Arbor and to our friends who are temporary refugees in sunnier climes.  May all be well! May all be awake!

 

Marcia